Genesis 37

More horrible stories about God’s favorite people. Jacob’s (Israel’s) kids get up to some wacky hi-jinx. Jacob likes his youngest son, Joseph. His brothers all hate him. To be honest, Joseph sounds like an ass. He rats on them to his father and tells them about dream he has about how they all bow down to him. Jacob even gives him special gifts, like pretty robes.

This doesn’t excuse what his shitty brothers do to him. At first they were going to kill him, but they toss him in a cistern and take his special robe. They spill blood on it so they can convince their father that he was killed. One of his brothers, Reuben, was less of an ass and didn’t want him killed. Judah kind-of agreed and ended up selling him to Midianites, who sold him to an Egyptian in the Pharaoh’s guard.

Jacob was so upset they he plans to mourn Joseph until he dies.