Genesis 30

Genesis 30

What the hell is wrong with these people? Are these really the best people God could find?

Rachel wants Jacob to give her children, Jacob is all pissed off because that’s God’s job, and apparently servants are baby factories for their barren masters!

Since God randomly cursed Rachel, she thinks she can have children if she makes her husband screw her servant. Did the servant have a say in this? Doesn’t that make the servant a slave?

Well, Jacob seemed all too happy to oblige her, and the servant, Bilhah, gets pregnant. This clearly shows that God was punishing Rachel, and not Jacob. Rachel names the son Dan, and is all proud. I don’t understand what she did, but, she seems to think she has something to celebrate. Even when Bilhah has a second son, Rachel thinks she has somehow has bested her sister, Leah.

This sets off a baby war, with Leah forcing her servant, Zilpah, to screw Jacob and have kids, and then Rachel selling her sex night to Leah for some mandrake plants Reuben found. This results in more babies.

God finally remembers to give Rachel a son that she names Joseph.

Next, Jacob wants to go home, but Laban likes him working for him and doesn’t want him to leave. So Jacob makes a deal. He asks that while tending Laban’s flock he gets to take all the speckled, spotted or streaked animal.

When Laban goes on a trip Jacob performs a bit of, what I guess is, magic. He puts a bunch of stripped branches near the water troughs where the animals mate. Somehow this magically makes all the babies have spots. He gets to keep all these animals.

Again, this makes Jacob kind of a jerk.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *